I've been to the Muther-Fing mountain top

The only soulmate (SM) I have known I met when I was 26. He came into my life so swiftly, yet everything fell into place. I left my old life completely behind. He is the only soul I have known without having to get to know it. We just knew. And his cock .... oh magnificent is an understatement. Unfortunately due to the egos around us at the time, and my own inability to trust, our relationship lasted only two months. Although we remain close friends... our bond is impermeable and has withstood some strong tests although the peak of us it did not survive. He is now in another state with his baby mama. Don't worry, I won't get into that now.

While commuting recently, I was listening to my ipod, and the theme song to the Sopranos came on. I suddenly imagined tying SM's hands together up and stripping before him, undressing him. I could almost feel his smooth lips, feel his breath on my body, hear his moans .... I swear if I weren't on a crowded bus, I would have climaxed as I imagined untying him at the same time I have his cock enter me and his mouth on mine.

Not a bad way to start the day. Happy Friday all.

Dammit

We screwed. Twice. For hours. Every possible position. All parts (human and manmade) utilized. Sigh .......... When was the last time you were sore from sex? Sex soreness is really quite delicious. Why does he have to be 24?

Status update

Since I started this blog:

I have been manicured
Hair has been highlighted
On rigorous vitamin and water plan for hair, skin, and body
Spent 1 week straight sober and now averaging 2 - 3 nights a week booze free (how responsible)
Have lost 2 lbs
Have started running and signed up for some hard sounding training
Have taken public transportation twice (karma points)
Have received two emails from hottie mcpainter boy (more on him later)
Have drinks date with former 1st internet date ever (more on him later)
Had text sex with my soul mate (currently someone else's soulmate)
Had actual sex (24 year old guy see prior post)

things are going well I think. Unfortunate that hitting rock bottom in life makes the above list seem positive.

Let me blow your mind

Well that was my thinking at least. Having heard no reply from Mr. A by Sat. I was feeling quite randy. So I invited the youngster over for a little fun lovin. In the mood to be lavished with attention and having no other plans, I opened a bottle of wine and well proceeded to drink all of it before he even got there (apparently 24 year old boys do not understand the fine timing that is involved with seduction). Sufficiently drunk by the time he came over, I had changed my mind from wanting it to be about me, to me wanting to turn him on uncontrollably. I sat him down on the couch, closed the curtains, and gave him a blow job, then ordered him to the shower where I had him groom me to his desires, then the shower fun commenced and ended in my mouth. While yummy, I did finally reach the conclusion that shower sex is a great experience for the overall image of sex but there is not enough friction to actually get the purpose of sex accomplished for me. Plus he is a youngster, and I do believe I am longing for the experienced gentleman to take control and blow my mind.

My reply

Dear A,

That sounds pretty good. I guess I'm looking for a little motivation to get my act together. I seem to have let myself slide the last couple of years. Nothing works better than a little lust for me to get my ass back in the gym and to start kicking ass on the professional front.

Glad you decided to "try" this. I'm not sure what I'm looking for either. I haven't done this before (although a couple one night stands here and there) this doesn't seem that much different than the bar scene (well, I guess there's no bar bill). I apparently am emotionally unavailable - so it doesn't really seem fair to go on a dating site on the off chance there are men there actually looking for a "partner." You can call me single. I've been hooked up with a 24 year old for the last couple of years, and well - lets just say that the conversation is a little light. Plus I'm 30, don't know how much longer I can expect to have him around. A regular fwb seems like a win-win.

I'm liking the idea of this more and more - an older, educated bloke for a poke. We shall see how much he wants to play.

British invasion

Hungover. Fuck.

Blew off working out, decided to head into the law firm - try and keep this place afloat. Perhaps the reason my thighs are as big as they are is that I would rather work than work out. Oh and that bottle of wine last night ...

Trying to decide if I should put another 5 grand on my credit card and join a gym with training or if I should just get some god damn willpower and run my ass off. What do you think?

Watched the Tudors last night. Henry 8th and his conquests. Lots young sex. I miss being young and unattached and unselfconscious about my body in bed.

I found myself emailing with a young British man looking for an affair.

His last email to me: "was about to ask you the same thing ;) There's not too much to figure out with me - I'm just looking for someone to share a good time with - maybe a little frisant in the city, meeting for a quick drink after work and then back to my apartment or wherever for some light (or rough) stress relief ;) I'm not really sure I'm looking for a relationship, don't know what I'm looking for really. So what are you looking for in this little affair - you are single right? ;)"

Doesn't sound so awful. What am I looking for???????????????????????

Uncensored

I find myself censoring the blog which my family reads. They have no idea how weird I really am. I don't think I'm ready for them to find out.

Things they don't know:

1) I have no problem sleeping with married men, I prefer it. I don't have to be the only girl - just as long as I'm the favorite.
2) Red wine is the only thing that gets me through my day,
3) Since no man currently loves this girl, it is my new mission, to become a girl "loved" by a wealthy and successful man.
4) How could I forget? I am one of the few that doesn't think she cares too much if she goes on, you know with life. WTF?

The game plan:

1) Get in shape (like serious Angelina kicking ass shape).
2) Grow hair to long locks of gold.

Does this seem superficial ? Well since nice, successful gentlemen have been overlooking this 30 year old attorney who has the ability to get down and dirty, play guitar, cook a 5 star dinner, wears Prada to work, loves sex, ice cream, and drinking beer, I have decided to simplify: I shall become one of the girls. I will give in. It is time; time to become one of those girls married to those guys. Those are the guys which I tend to have illicit passionate affairs.